LOVE IS A PLACE

i miss you. i miss our little sk home in front of the 711 in the middle of the whole world. i miss not being able to nap because of the extra sensitive door sensor that went off every few nano seconds. i miss face painting, i miss sand in between our toes, i miss coffee and books, lying down in a cafe with the sound of rain behind us. i miss the excitement of choosing where to eat every single meal. pale blonde banana shakes and even blonder boys. i miss dancing under the moon (we missed an eclipse how could we) dancing in the rain, watching you being carried away and high up (again) by random men, doing the rain dance with mookie (coincidance? i think not) and eventually it poured and water ran through the sand and over our feet and it only got better. decisions decisions and i’d like to think koh tao was worth the awful boat ride and puking children, women and men. fire dances and catching the sun. emie and sky high tides. lotus bar and upside down men with fire tricks and too much gasoline. lots of pool, minimal dancing and lots of flirting. practising fire tricks on the beach, well past closing time. french canadian boys, lovely swedish girlss and funny conversations and as always, awfully disappointed disbelief torn between a porno fantasy and feeling utterly stupid. giddy nights and a warm bed. Koh samui a beautiful view and an even better bed. riding up and down hills with you with wind in hair, face and shivering limbs. sleazy town creeping with beer bellied parasites and cheap chip girls, demure masseuses with flowers in the pocket of modest uniforms by day, tank-top-and-shorts special provocateur by night. i even miss being called thai. being chased by dogs up a hill. i thought it was playful. it was not. having a quarter of a pricey dinner, had tears run down my cheeks becuase how the hell was i to know piri piri was portugese for spicy and thank god did not have to pay for THAT. spliffs by the beach , friends with funny dances and oh, the abundance of Daddies. most of all, just being somewhere else, with you, you and you.